That one about my butt

Before you get all "where ya been gurl!" I have a story for you. About my butt. Yep, I've been gone for weeks and return to tell you about my butt. Did you really expect anything less?

I have a genetic condition I was born with (thanks mom). Called a pilonidal cyst. Don't google it. Trust me. Basically, it's a cyst (usually empty) near your tailbone (aka: top o' muh crack). Except I'm super special and lucky and mine is really deep, actually near my tailbone. Because of this I have a sinus tract, an opening to the surface of my skin. It's tiny tiny, not noticeable, at the top of my crack. But what happens when you have an extra hole, on your butt, leading to a cavern? You guessed it, sometimes it gets infected. Which is super effing gross, but what can you do right?

So, my ass got infected...again. This is the third time since 2003. I've been told that's actually a great track record. You know, cuz I bathe and I'm a girl without all the hair and gross things on a boy butt. I waited and waited to see if just soaking it and heat would take care of it. Last Friday night, at work, it got bigger and more painful (sitting is awesome when my ass is pissed off) and I was running a low grade temp. Aces.

I got off work Saturday morning and went to the ER. The doctor asked me to wait a few days to see if it would get closer to the surface of my skin. I told him to just give me the damn scalpel and let me do it myself. After some convincing, a doctor cut my butt. Instant relief! Except then they pack it with gauze, which hurts like an em effer. And now I'm on antibiotics and narcotics.....weeeee! But sitting doesn't hurt anymore.

Moral of the story: I need surgery, on my butt. To remove the cyst so it stops collecting fluid.

::ahem:: Enjoy your dinner! :D