Happy Halloween!

We're throwing a baby shower for my sister today followed by trick or treating for the little kids. I'm hoping Avery isn't too freaked out, she was too little to know what was going on last year.

I spent yesterday afternoon/evening baking cupcakes for the event, and broke the handle off my oven. Like completely off. Grrr. I can't even USE the oven right now because the door is taped closed.

I need to keep up with blogging. I've been working, making phone calls, making arrangements, going crazy. I've had other things going on that I'm not comfortable discussing yet. So, thus, the blog slacking.

I feel like something is on the horizon. Aside from moving. Something big. I don't know what it is, I just have this weird feeling like something is about to change.

Hello freaking randomness.

Trunk or treating at church.

It's a barrel of laughs around here today

(Sorry another post with no pics...I suck.)

This morning I told Avery that her Aunt is flying in from Hawaii tomorrow for a visit. She was pretty excited. I told her that her Aunt has a baby in her belly. She stopped and lifted up her shirt and pointed at her belly. I said "yes, she has a baby in her belly and she's going to come see us". Still looking a little puzzled she said "She ate it"? I started laughing and said "yes, honey, she ate it". I am NOT having THAT talk with my 22 month old.

It's not uncommon for Avery to start bugging me for lunch a few minutes after breakfast is cleaned up. Today, after her morning snack, she started right away. "Mom, eats. Mom, eats." When I finally told her that I was going to make lunch she walked/ran into the kitchen with her eyes closed (another favorite new trick) and PLOWED into the refrigerator at full speed. She opened her eyes and looked stunned. And.I.lost.it. I was doubled over laughing. She said "mommy not funny" and I couldn't help but start laughing all over again.

Yesterday when I was cleaning the wood floors I pledged them with the dust mop when I was finished. We had fun last night slipping and sliding around in our socks a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Today, she doesn't think it's nearly as hilarious since she keeps falling down when she tries to run on the floor.

There is never a boring moment around here. She keeps me in stitches daily.

A toddler lives in my house.

I attacked my living room and kitchen today. I'm talking moving furniture and scrubbing ALL the wood floors. I dusted all the wood surfaces in the living room and looked around.

A toddler lives in my house.

A temper tantrum throwing, milk slinging toddler lives under my roof.

Under the entertainment center was a book and a small toy that I'm sure were flung under there in a fit of fury. All my coasters were under the couch. Milk splatters were on the entertainment center, and the side tables, and the wood floors. Is my child the only one that things throwing a sippy cup of milk is funny. And is it IMPOSSIBLE to make a leak proof cup that IS ACTUALLY LEAKPROOF? Filling her mouth with milk and letting it dribble out is her newest, time out worthy, trick.

It's not unheard of to find a questionable sticky substance on a drawer handle, the window, the wall, or in my freaking hair. Where does she even FIND all this crap to get into?

Her other recently acquired talent. Farting. My beautiful little GIRL thinks farting is HILARIOUS. She tries to push one out and when she is successful she cracks up. Even if she doesn't, it's still hilarious. She says "Mommy. (insert grunting here) Farted." and runs away laughing. How gross.

A stinky, sticky, milky throwing toddler lives with me.

Clingy whiney toddler

Holy crazy whiney toddler. Nothing can make her feel better and nothing I do is right.

Welcome to my day yesterday.

I swear to Dove chocolate I was thisclose to losing it.

"MOOOOMMMMMY MMMMIIIILLLLKKKK"

::hands holy terror cup of milk::

Terror throws milk on floor and screams "NOOOOOO AGUAAAAAA" (Spanglish...FTW)

::gives cup of agua::

Terror rolls her eyes and says "mom. milk"

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH are you FREAKING kidding me?

This continued all day with Dora vs. Spongebob. Fruit snacks vs. string cheese. Purple jammies vs. flowered. I'm all for independence and letting her make her own decisions but enough is enough y'all.

You WILL eat the string cheese in your purple jammies while watching spongebob AND YOU WILL LIKE IT.

On a similar note, I have to get the child out of my bed. She's gotten into the habit of waking in the middle of the night and getting into bed with me. I wouldn't even mind that much if it didn't mean waking up at 0600. Which then leads to me fighing with her to go back to sleep until I get frustrated and put her back in her bedroom and let her scream until she falls back asleep. 0600 toddler temper tantrums are aces.

Listen kid, I'll buy you a new car when you turn 16 if you lighten up a little bit. Mini pony? Lifetime supply of string cheese? YOUR OWN CELL PHONE?!?!?!

It's days like yesterday that I can't help but get resentful. Days like yesterday when it's ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING raising a child alone. Especially a spirited, independent, stubborn child like mine.

Nothing a glass of wine can't cure....oh wait, then I went to work all night.

Leeeeeaaaaavin with a uhaul trailer.

(That so doesn't work, but now you're singing the song aren't you.)

I have an announcement to make. WE have an announcement to make.

Avery and I are moving to Phoenix.



I accepted a position as a travel nurse in the Greater Phoenix area, I report for duty January 3rd. I have a 3 month contract with the option of extending if I choose.

I'm not sure if this means we are staying in Phoenix, if we will return to the Midwest, or if we move on to another location. I'm oddly ok with not knowing what's going to happen and at peace with my decision.

I wanted to go to Arizona in the spring for similar reasons and for completely different reasons. I was running away from my problems and differences and running toward what I thought would be the good life. Not going in the spring has allowed relationships to be repaired and for me to learn to appreciate the little things. Things, truly do, happen for a reason.

So, in the time between now and when I pull out of my driveway to make possibly the longest cross country road trip of my life, I have eleven million things to do. Calls to make, contracts to sign, paper work to fill out, boxes to pack, and a house that is STILL on the market.

Bear with me as I spend roughly the next 10 weeks jacked up on caffeine, pulling my hair out, and living amongst the crazy that ensues when you make a move to the other side of the continent.

Yesterday I met Avery's dad, lets call him Ben, and we discussed how things would go.

It was a productive day. A great day even. I'm cautiously optimistic about the future. I know things can't change over night but we've made small steps in the right direction. We talked and learned things about each other that we never knew in the short time we were together.

It was a draining day. Physically, I had been up since 1pm on Sunday, as well as emotionally.

So what do I do from here? How will this work? I have never had to worry about Ben and his relationship with Avery. I have never had to worry about MY relationship with BEN. Like it or not, we ARE bonded for life. I do know that I want her to know him. Every little girl needs a dad in their life. He will be involved, as much as I allow. But how much do I allow? How will this dynamic work?

So many questions that I need to answer.

But, still, a great day.

A damp afternoon

A storm rolled through yesterday afternoon/evening. As soon as Avery saw the first rain drops she squealed and said "ot-side mommy"? How could I say no? We watched the rain fall from the porch.





We got rain drops in our hair.



We got our pants wet and made wet foot prints on the porch.

She's so big!

Avery and I went to the park this morning. She LOVED it, as usual. I couldn't help but get a little choked up when I was helping her down the slide and she let go of my hand and said "Mommy I do it". She climbed up, went down, and ran around and climbed back up again and again and again. She loved that she was a big girl and could do it by herself. I wish I would have taken my camera. Maybe we will go back this afternoon after her nap.

She thought it was hilarious to stomp around in the leaves and listen to them crunch. I remember last fall visiting that same park and she was TERRIFIED of the sound the leaves made when we walked on them.

Added perk of spending an hour at the park before nap time: she fell right to sleep after lunch without any complaints and without getting out of bed!

An uneasy feeling

I'm not sure many of you know about the crazy that is Avery's dad. Check here and here for a bit of background.

He contacted me the other night (well, morning at 0400) via text message. From another new number. That would be well over 10 new numbers I've had from him since I met him almost 3 years ago. What are his motives? What makes him keep calling/texting me? I was tempted to reply just to see what he wants. Has he changed? Is he checking on Avery or just starting the same drama again? Will he pretend to care and call and talk to her on the phone daily for a few weeks only to start the mind games up again? Am I wrong for not finding out what he wants? HAS he changed?

I'm leaning towards no, he hasn't changed for a few reasons. 1. Another new number, across the country from his previous number. (I know you can get numbers from anywhere but both this number and previous number are cities he has lived in or frequently visited.) 2. He called at 0400. When I knew him he would frequently go out or hang with friends until wee hours of the morning. Normal people with normal jobs DON'T stay up until 0400 on a Thursday night/Friday morning. And 3. I just plain don't trust him and doubt any attempt at a change is all a front and things will come crashing down again in a short time.

That sounds horrible right? I've ignored my child's father since June 3rd. I haven't responded to a single phone call or text message. That makes me the crazy baby mamma that won't let a father see his child. Have any of you met him? He is his own special kind of crazy. Yes, I would love nothing more than for Avery to know her dad. I would love for them to have a great relationship. And if I'm being completely honest with myself I would like for Avery's parents to still be together and living under the same roof. But, that isn't going to happen. I can't live with someone I can't trust. I can't have a relationship with someone when I don't even know his real name. I can't trust him with my child when he makes comments about taking her and disappearing. I can't ignore the feeling that something isn't right every time I see his name or a new number show up on my phone. My child isn't a pawn in a creepy little game.

Should I tell him she's happy and thriving? Should he get to know that she's hilarious, intelligent, and loves to cuddle with mommy? Or that she loves her blankie and thumb when she goes to sleep? Maybe he is just wanting to see if she's doing ok. But what gives him the right to know that? If he was here from the beginning he would already know. If he wouldn't have started with the games, he would know. If he would have been honest from the start, he would know.

Part of me wants to believe that things can change, people can change. But, part of me wants him to take a long walk off a short cliff...

She's almost 2

When did this happen? She's a little PERSON, not a baby.

She has a personality, and boy what a personality it is! She says the funniest things. She DOES the funnies things! Watching her learn about the world is the greatest thing. She's big enough for her own shopping cart!



She likes to sing and dance with mom in the car. She loves her blankie. Beware if a cell phone is spotted and SHE CAN'T HAVE IT! She hates more than anything else in the world to be told "NO". She can stop, drop, and have a fit anywhere....on command. She likes straw cups better than sippy cups because they're "big girl cups" but would much prefer just drinking out of yours. She claps and says "yay DeeDee bed" when it's time for a nap or bedtime. She's a lefty but still uses her right hand fairly frequently. She likes to count to 5 but always puts in a 9 after the 3.

Even though she's getting so big and learning so much she still needs her momma. She likes her boo boos kissed. Even long after they're gone. (I'm still kissing a boo boo on her foot at bedtime from 3 weeks ago.) She always say "hold you" and want to be picked up instead of walking across a parking lot. She LOVES to snuggle with momma on the couch before bedtime, which I'm more than okay with since I JUST stopped rocking her before bed.



Even though she'll be 2 in just a few short months and she's growing into her own person, she'll always be my baby girl.

<3 <3 <3

"But you only work three days a week"

I hear this rather frequently.

And for the record I work three NIGHTS a week.

And I get it. How awesome would it be to only have to work three times a week right? Well, for the most part you're right. I would rather go in and work 3 12 hour shifts then have to be there all week.

But lets look at a stretch of weeks that I've done more than once. The dreaded three on two off. Did you hear that? The nurses in the room just groaned, namely the night shift ones.

Now let me just say that before I start a three day stretch I like to clean the house and make sure all the laundry is done, because it's NOT getting done on the days that I work.

I started Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Sunday morning I got off work, went home and slept two hours and went to church. My parents bring Avery to church so I brought her home, fed her lunch, and attempted to get her down for a nap. I lay down for a couple more hours while she's sleeping. (If my last day isn't a Sunday I go get her from my parents when I get off or after I've slept a couple hours.) When we wake up I find small things for us to do in the afternoon. I'm still exhausted but don't dare drink any caffeine if I want to sleep that night. Sunday night I go to bed AS SOON as Avery is asleep and sleep until she wakes up Monday morning. Monday I have to do more laundry, pick up the house, run any errands that need done because the next day I'm right back at it for three more. Tuesday I try to take a nap with Avery and in the afternoon we play and I try to cook at least one big meal I can take for left overs to work. Then I work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I get off Friday morning and WOOOHOOO it's the weekend, right? Well, technically yes, but I'm so flipping tired that I do nothing more than go to bed at 8:30 that night. Saturday is another day of errands because I'm back to work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.

Let's review: Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Then Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. If my math is correct that is a minimum of 108 hours in 9 days. Anyone that works on my floor can tell you that you would be LUCKY to clock out at 0730, or 1930 for that matter. I can count on one hand the times I clocked out BEFORE 0800. In a 13 day span I put in 9 days, 108 hours. That's not that much? I'm being a baby?

Ok, ok I get it. I HAVE a job. And I'm eternally grateful to be able to provide a roof over my child's head and put food in her belly. I only wish I would be able to SEE her a little more often.

Thankfully this doesn't happen all the time, I would fall over. But it happens at least once every 6 weeks or so. Just often enough to make me want to cry.

Then benefit? The occasional 6,7,or even 8 days off in a row!! It seems we are all just working towards that big break. We hear it all the time. "Three more nights and I get 5 off". Or "After next week I have 6 off". It's sad that we wish our time away so quickly.

But in the mean time we just keep plugging away.

"I don't wanna be the rock anymore. I wanna be the hot one that gets taken care of and EVERYONE wants to have sex with me." Heard tonight on a sitcom.

Oh sister....I can SO relate.

Dearest Colts,

I love you. I will always bleed blue, no matter how long it's been since I lived in Indy.

But, pull it together y'all. We're 0-2 in our division. The way it's looking now, we're relying on the wild card for the play offs. We're better than this. I'm getting an ulcer. I'm already considered crazy here in Bengals country, you're not helping me out here. What happened to the team that played the Giants?

Next week, against the Chiefs, you better bring your game.

Smoochies, Jen

PS. Y'all looked HOT in that pink this week, especially you Reggie....ahem. ;)

Say hi to Conner

Everyone say hi to my new nephew Conner. The younger of my two brothers son.

I have a niece and a niece/nephew still cooking.

And this is what happens when you have 6 siblings....baybeh explosion!!

October 1st

Can someone tell me again HOW ON EARTH it is October 1st? This is absurd.

Do y'all ever make to do list of things that you would rather drink bleach than do? I have a separate list just for times when I feel like being cruel to myself. Phone calls to make (I hate making them), appointments to schedule, tasks to complete. I crossed of one freaking thing in September. It's my goal this month to get at least the majority of these things done. Refinish the hardwood, finish cleaning up the backyard, put up and paint porch railing, schedule a doctors appointment for myself, etc etc. Please tell me y'all have lists like that.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Many of us have a friend or loved one affected by the disease. I'm wearing this shirt to work tonight.



With hot pink pants. My great grandmother was a breast cancer survivor. My high school best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 24. She is a wife and mother of 3. She continues the fight daily. Clear, I am so proud of you and I know you are going to kick cancers ass. I love you. <3 <3 <3

Who are you wearing pink for?