Outside Looking In

I'm a Type A personality.

I've embraced it. I'm just not the laid back go with the flow type of person. I want things done now and done my way. I hate being late. I'm a touch OCD. It messes with my flow when my plans get interrupted unexpectedly. I'm probably hard to live with. I guess you could ask my ex-husband about that.

I believe this is my strongest attribute when it comes to being a single parent. I prepare the night before to leave the house for appointments, I make more than one meal at a time, etc. Admittedly, I've been a slacker lately for which I blame on night shift with no set schedule and my continued hypothyroidism. I know, I know I need to get back on my medicine. I have a list of small tasks I need to complete but there just doesn't seem to be enough hours of daylight.

I digress....man maybe I'm a bit ADD too.

The type A part of me I thinks may enjoy being a single parent just a teensy bit. I don't have to compromise on my beliefs about discipline, nutrition, education, or values. I don't have to justify my decisions to anyone. If I want to sit on the couch all night after Avery goes to bed, I can do it. If I want to eat 2 bowls of ice cream in one day, I can do it. I can not do the laundry for a week and hide the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I can do these things because there is no one there giving me the side-eye or depending on me for things too. My child's needs are met and that is all that is required of me today if that is what I so choose.

I don't know what it's like to go through this with someone else. Oh I remember being pregnant and PRAYING that someone would come rub my back. Who got up when I had a midnight craving? I did. Who held my hair when I was puking? My ponytail holder. Don't be mistaken. I'm so thankful that I have Avery and I don't regret the way things happened one bit. But I wish I had someone to be excited with and pick out bedding and names with. Someone to feel Avery when I laid down in bed. That was always her extra wiggly time.

How nice would it be for someone else to have a turn when she gets up too early so I can have a sleep in day? Or change a diaper! Or cook a meal! But at the end of the day I love my life. I love that I'm a home owner. I love all the things I've learned to do myself. I don't need to rely on people nearly as much as I did before my life forked to the left. I love that I'm Avery's favorite person in the world. I love our perfect little family. We aren't wanting for anything. Would I like to meet someone to share our life with? Absolutely. I'd also love to have more children someday. I'd love to lay down next to someone after a long day and talk about things. I'd love someone to do the landscaping! But God is just going to have to put him on my front porch because I just don't know when I'm going to have the time to go find him.

But for now the laundry awaits...